A Year Off

   I think the reason they call it a year off is because you really are off the whole time.  I naively believed this would be like a service trip, and that I would be on an eternal high all the time.  But I'm not.   Mom & everyone else who cares, stop freaking out! There ARE moments that bring me supreme joy.  Here's the thing; I have a job and a routine.  And things, like in real life, don't always go the way you want them to.  Then I also am dealing with girls that don't have supportive and structured environments.  Girls who have been pushed through the education system without knowing basic math or writing skills, or who don't necessarily get the love they deserve.  

   I leave a site every day wondering if  I'll see those girls again the next week.  I then come home to find out about a domestic violence case my casamate had today, as well as my other casamate helping someone  pay their bills.  Having to hear and deal with all this stuff everyday does not make the day easier. Having goofy casamates does.  

    This is where the title of this blog comes in,  it is a year of my life that Is meant to make feel uncomfortable.  I am meeting, and staring square in the eye some of our country's greatest injustices and social systems.  If I felt all together while dealing with this everyday, I am NOT the person I and others know me to be.

   Yes, this is my year off.  But it is my year to face all of these issues.  It is my year to feel uncomfortable because when my life starts progressing as society expects it to, I will not be hardened by the strangers I meet and the situations I will encounter.  I will think of the souls who have touched me,  the faces I have seen, the rosto de cristo and, most of all, the stories that have made me feel off. 

In Thanksgiving...

It takes a village to raise a child.  I am eternally grateful for my village, I have been given one of the best ones out there. From Poland, to Holm, to SJU, and now to Mobile. Thank you for supporting me and inspiring me, but thank you most of all for the plethora of the LOVE.  I am forever indebted to you all.

Sisterhood

        I was really, really lucky when May 1995 came and then January 1998.  I got two of the greatest gifts I would EVER get in life; my sisters.  J & L are the best sisters anyone could get.  They are funny, sassy,  supportive, critical and some of the kindest and compassionate people I know.  By age, I may be older, but a lot of the time they act like my big sisters.  From helping me pick out an outfit,  to helping me calm my nerves, to just being some of the best advice givers I've come across, they really are the best.  

          Here is the wonderful thing about sisters.  You get the ones that are your blood, and just because women are awesome, you get ones you were given as friends.  This week has reminded me of just that.  I have had the privilege to talk to some of my closest girlfriends this week and/or be able to write them letters.  They are my other sisters.  I talked to my longest sister in life, my best friend since day one of kindergarten.  We always giggle, get things off our chest and listen.  She is the reason I know I can sustain anything for a long time since we have been friends for seventeen years.  

       I also got to talk to my soul lifting sister this week as well.  She is silly. smart and a lot of woman and female empowerment.  Which is something I always need.  She is up to her old silly ways and, of course. things like that only happen to her.  She always makes my soul feel lighter after having talked to her.   There are very few people in this world who can do that and she is one of them.  I am very lucky to call her one of my closest friends.  

        I also got to talk to my sister with who I wasn't sure that I would get along,  But once I saw her red hair and her little mermaid pillow cover I knew this girl was quite alright.  We had a great long chat and as always I wasn't grounded the whole time.  She makes me enjoy life and always reminds me not to worry and to be strong.  Just as I remind her of the same things.  She is vocation affirming and life giving and I know for sure I wouldn't have gotten throughout college without her.  

         Then there is the sister who I write letters to and I talk to just about everyday through an emoji or a picture of our ridiculous faces.  She has been one of the greatest sisters I have received this year.  She understands my struggles, my dilemmas at work, my dilemmas at home and even the dilemmas in my head.  We support from afar because Motor City is quite a ways these days.  

 

      But two of the best sisters I have received over the years are ones I got hired with.  My GP's, no matter how far away or how long it may be, it's still like nothing has changed.  Grateful for the two of them and their beautiful, crazy, wild selves.

        I know this is a bit of rant of how blessed I am to have such incredible birth sisters and friend sisters but I swear there is a point to it all.  No I did NOT mention everyone.  I have been blessed with plenty more, but this is just who I talked to this week for a significant amount of time.

        My boss had breast cancer 18 years ago and now she is a survivor.  All month she wore something pink and I wore my ribbon.  This cause mattered to me more than it ever did. She did the breast cancer walk and I went to go cheer her on.  Two days before, he sister texted her saying that no matter what happened on Saturday she was going to push her and help her get there until the end.  Her sister finished for her and so did some of her closest friends; her other sisters.   Women are as strong as the women they surround themselves with.  I have surrounded myself with some of the strongest ones and I am forever grateful for their presence in my life.

family

This week I lost my great aunt.  My grandma's sister.  She lived right next door to my grandma,  so whenever we were in Poland I stopped by her house just about every day.  We spent a lot of time together her and I and I started calling her grandma too.  This blog post is not for sympathy or for condolences I know you all are probably sending them. What this blog post is about is about family.  My incredible close knit family.  My mom is one of ten and her mom is one of ten.  I come from a large family just on that side alone.

I know that I can't be there this weekend when they put my white haired babcia in the ground, but I am there in spirit.  I know that all of my cousins are currently cleaning her house and getting it ready for the reception after and the unveiling of the casket before.  I know everyone is cooking the food that will be eaten and then some more for her daughter and her family to have some to eat for the next week.  I also know that my cousins that play instruments will be playing in the band that will play at her funeral, even if they haven't played in a long time.  I know her grandsons will be the alter server boys, I know they will get my cousin who lives far away to be the priest.  

I know all of these things without having being told,  because I know my family.   They are strong they are supportive and they at times like this pull together.  She may not have been all of our's grandma but she is our family.  

Since Polish is the only way I truly know how to say goodbye to the dead here is a prayer to conclude this post.

Wieczny odpoczynek racz Mu dać Panie 

A Światłość Wiekuista niechaj Mu świeci na wieki wieków AMEN! 

Wieczny odpoczynek racz Mu dać Panie 

A Światłość Wiekuista niechaj Mu świeci na wieki wieków AMEN! 

Wieczny odpoczynek racz Mu dać Panie 

A Światłość Wiekuista niechaj Mu świeci na wieki wieków AMEN! 

Odpoczywaj w spokoju wiecznym Najukochańszy Ojcze Święty!

A conglomeration

It has been a while I know.   Our social calendar has grown exponentially in the past month.   I have a bunch of blog posts I wanted to write so I am just going to write highlights of each topic in this one big one.

Having some new moms

DO NOT WORRY BARBS YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY NUMBER ONE & THE BEST MOM

With this new job I work solely with women.   A lot of them.   They all are making sure I am eating properly.   I have a mom for hair, a mom for problems, and a mom for food a mom for just about everything.   Trust me no one will beat my mom at her job; she is the best person for the job to raise me.   If I grow up to be half the woman she is then that will be a good thing.  She knows when something is wrong just by the way I answer the phone.   But being so far away from her and having such crazy conflicting schedules she doesn’t get to see me or hear me every day.   But all the women that I work with are moms and they take care of me.  I also have a mom that I get to see every Sunday who feeds us and lets us still be kids.   It is blessings to have a bunch of women take care of you when your mommy is so far away.

Fall or Spring?

Autumn here is not autumn, it feels more like spring.   It’s cool at nighttime and in the morning but during the day it gets warm.   There are more birds down here because of migration.  The trees are all still green and it’s not humid anymore.   Also it monsoons at times and that supposedly is fall here.   I miss the leaves changing and the brisk morning air but I am not going to lie, its October 17th and I can still wear shorts and a t-shirt.

Social Butterflies

The month of October filled up fast and has been a fun filled month so far.   We volunteered at Alabama's largest music festival called Bayfest.   We had backstage access and we set up celebrities dressing rooms and I got to wash Luke Bryan's towels.   Big plus of working for 3 days, we got a lot of free time, got to see a lot of good music for free and then got to take a lot of delicious food home.

Then our Program coordinator came to visit and stayed the week and that was life-giving and refreshing.   He is a great person and reminded us what’s important and how great of a group we truly are.   This past weekend I slept on the USS Alabama with Girl Scouts, and on Friday we got to participate in the art walk downtown.   This week we are volunteering on a wine cruise for Erin's placement Catholic Social Services.   On Friday we are attending a Moroccan themed 50th birthday.  Saturday we are going to a homecoming football game for the University of Southern Alabama WOO GO JAGS! Then in the next coming weeks we have a lawyer party dinner auction thing, a costume party and sleeping in cardboard at the local high school.   This is all just October.   If you told me two months ago our calendar would be this full I would have laughed in your face.   But now I miss our weekends of nothing.

That’s all I got for now.   

The 3 Cs

Conflict:
It is a fact of life that if you throw a bunch of individuals in one place for long periods of time conflict, at one point, will arise. Sometimes it can be as tiny as a miscommunication, a misunderstanding or not picking up a grocery bag.  Sometimes it can be as large as where to buy groceries or what to do for the holidays.  Conflict is healthy because it brings up things that need to be talked about.  And then both parties can learn and change and move forward.   Conflict is a part of life.  Being angry isn't always a bad thing.  It can bring about change.

 

Communication:
This past month of my life I have learned different things about communication.  I have learned different things about my communication style, about others' communication style and whom in my life has helped me to communicate better.  I am learning what works best for me and what does not.  I am learning when to speak and when to  just shut my mouth and take some time to think.  I am learning what some people need to hear and what they need to learn on their own.  There are very specific people in my life who have helped me to prepare to communicate with my community and my co-workers.  A large part of communication is taking time to think before you speak which is always an area I need growth in.  Tone is a large part of how something is delivered.  There is a very smart woman in my life that always had the uncanny ability to say some of the most serious things.  But if anyone saw her talking, they would think she is saying the sweetest things in existence.  Those types of conversations have stuck with me more than the yelling or a condescending tone. 

Change:
I finally have realized this is the only constant in life.  As much as I like to think that everything back home would stay the same this year or my loved ones would just stay preserved in glass boxes.  I feel a little bit like Holden Caufield with that line.  In this month and a half of being away from home, I have realized with my own change and growth and others that, that isn't the case.  People move on,  memories fade, perceptions change and love deepens or weakens.  I've missed firsts, and lasts and birthdays and celebrations, and new jobs and it has only been a month.  Sometimes its hard to not be there for all of this but at the same time I know I am changing as well.  And so far I think the changes I have made are changes I am happy with.  

Push

Sunday night I went to mass at Spring Hill.  It was their student mass at 9.  To be at a Jesuit school at a student mass was an absolutely great feeling.  It was similar to Saint Joe's but it didn't have the same magic.  We met with the campus minister in charge of retreats and service.  The name of the chapel was Saint Joseph, which I found to be ironic.  The mass was exactly what I needed and during mass I got to thinking how so many adults and older folks say we're an awful generation, we don't do anything and who knows what else.  Well you know what?  No that's actually not the case.  We are the generation that believes in equality, that believes in doing something, that believes that they can be there for someone else other than themselves.  That church was packed tonight and it was all young people.  I've been to churches for "adults" and it was not even half full.  We are the generation that will do something, that was born to do something good.  We believe in less processed food, we believe in the farmers,  we believe in knowing where your meat comes from.  These aren't just the people I know, it's a lot of our generation.   We all have skills and it doesn't just start and stop in service jobs or humanitarian type things.  I know of young people in every field willing to go the distance to do something nice.  Not every person is going to do something huge, but we all can do little things and that's enough.

The priest talked in his homily how fear cripples people, and that sometimes all we need is a push.  If we have a fear of falling, we will never learn how high & far we can fly.  This year, as scary as it sometimes may seem, and as much as I want to stay in my hawk nest with my mommy, is my push and I AM learning to fly.

I leave you with this prayer by Oscar Romero.

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts, it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God’s work.  Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying that the Kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the Church’s mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted, knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation in realizing that.
This enables us to do something, and to do it very well.
It may be incomplete, but it is a beginning, a step along the way, an opportunity for the Lord’s grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own. 

Alabama & Football

Football became a very large part of my life in high school.  I started understanding the game more by going to Friday night football games in small town USA.  Here's the thing; where I'm from we weren't that good until our senior year.  Suddenly we were division champs.  And that had not happened in 20 years.  Needless to say my passion for football became a lot greater.  Along with loving high school football, I decided to pick a national team.  I chose the Giants because they were from my area and my only other options was being a Dolphins fan.  And that wasn't happening.  My senior year of high school was also the year the NY Giants won the Super Bowl.  Football became, and frankly always will be, my favorite sport to watch on TV.  A different side of me comes out.   My sophomore roommates would probably say the side that frequently comes out is my outside voice.  I never got into college ball because I didnt have a team and then I went to a college and my college did not have a team.

Now I know this is a lot of background about my life and football but I swear there is a point so bare with me.  Down here in Alabama football, college football to be exact, is just as important, if not more to some people than God.  Now that is a strong love and passion.  This past Friday was the kick off to all High School football and this past Saturday was the kick off to Auburn & Alabama.  I can't think of something as extreme as picking a team down here.  Maybe, MAYBE picking between chocolate or vanilla.  But who knows.  Yesterday, as I was driving home from work, I saw high school kids tailgating their game.  Today everyone, from grandma to granbaby, was sporting their Bama and Auburn gear. 

I can say for certain that for people down here, the most important things are God and football.  The usual questions are what team & what church?  And honestly I can get used to living in a place where God and football are that important.

A Beer in my Handbag

      I have recently started reading a book called There's a Beer in My Handbag- Unusual Thoughts about Everyday Faith.  It was written by a lei person that teaches at Spring Hill here in Mobile.  Just one of the many random books in the house, but this one happened to be on my mantle.  The book is titled after a short story from one of his students.  This student shared with the class how his mother and him gave some change to a woman who was asking for money.  The boy then saw the woman sitting outside of Winn Dixie and decided to run over and giver her bananas.  When he approached the woman, he noticed beer in her purse but he did not say anything he gave her the fruit and said have a nice day.   At the end of that particular passage David O'Brien says something that stuck out to me.

"I mentioned to the class that no matter what we did in ministry, whether at a parish, a hospital or with the homeless, we should try to remember we are no better than the people with whom we minister.  We all have beers in our handbag and we always will.  Still somehow, with incomprehensible generosity and graciousness, God continues to bless us, even though we do not deserve it.  All we are doing is passing along His love.  Nothing more. "

I like to think I have not thought I was better than the people I serve.  But I bet at one time or another we all compare ourselves to other people and look at our differences.  But I am challenging you to look at your similarities.  We do not always deserve God's love but he gives it to us anyway-unconditionally.  See the similarities with someone and try to pass God's love to your neighbor, your family, a significant person, a friend or a stranger, it is really all we are called to do.

First Day of work

    Today was my first day of work. But I think it may have also been a pretty good introduction to my life for the next year.  When someone says 815, they really mean 835.  When someone says do something right now, they really mean do it within the day.  When you get time for lunch, they mean an hour. And everyone actually takes an hour.  This year of my life is going to be a lot more relaxed than anything I have ever done.  No one is in a rush, no one is ever really in a hurry.  We're on southern time and I need to get used to it.  Along with being on southern time I also need to learn to talk slower.  I am a jersey girl through and through, but it truly shows in how fast I talk.  Also, everyone is so shockingly nice coming from the north.  It truly is a nice change and it makes doing anything that much more pleasant.  I am so grateful for this opportunity and to be able to live this year of my life down in Mobile.  The only thing that I may not be willing to get so used to is the humidity.  Just sitting on my bed, I was sweating.

SO my words to you, talk slower, walk slower, just exist in the moment.  It will all get done.  If you do it slower, you may just find the little graces of God throughout your day.

Esopus

I just spent 24 hours in what I consider my favorite place on earth, definitely top three.   Fortunately and unfortunately I was only there for 24 hours.  Most of you know that I look forward to Esopus, or Mid Hudson Valley Camp if we're being technical.  For those of you who don't know, Esopus is a camp for adults with disabilities.  Every year there is the excitement of the camp application, filling it out and finding out if you're going.   This year I realized was my sixth year going up.  Esopus has become a retreat for me, a place where I feel very at home.  I feel relaxed, spiritually rejuvenated and I have a refreshed perspective on life.   Though it wasn't as long as usual, I somehow still managed to receive those gifts in a short period.  This is the place that I realized there were other people interested in serving the lives of those less privileged.  Something I realize most is how the campers live so incredibly in the present moment and filled with joy.  They are not consumed with thoughts of every task they have to complete from here to the end of time.  They are focusing on the here and now.   So I challenge myself, as I go into my year with JVC, to be here.  Not there, not next week, not the next five years.   If I am brushing my teeth I am going to try to just brush my teeth and enjoy the present moment of what I'm doing.  Or if I'm hearing the birds chirp in the morning while I'm getting dressed, I'll just enjoy their music.   Life is all around and full of joy.  Sometimes we just have to slow down and enjoy the present moment.

Less than 2 Weeks

In exactly 12 days I leave for the Jesuit Volunteer Corps.   I cannot believe that it is so close.  I found out in March that I was going to Mobile, Alabama to work with The Girl Scouts of America and now its less than two weeks away.  Before this blog gets started I just want to say a very big thank you to all the people who got me to this place.  Who have taught me what it is to be a woman with and for others and who have kept me sane.  Thank you to the professors, the mentors, the fabulous friends and incredible family for all of your support and words of encouragement.